24-year-old demands 20-year-old sister lend him $1200, she refuses after he took $800 she saved for their parents at 16

Despite what many would like to think, family can't always rely on family. Not everyone in this world is blessed with kind and reliable relatives, and as such, it is important that they think twice whenever they interact with them. Some people think that their family members are a resource for them to use and not give anything of worth in return.

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    via laura adai (Unsplash+)

    A young woman sits at a table by a window, reading a magazine

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In particular, there is an unfortunate number of individuals who believe that they are entitled to ask those related to them for money whenever they may need it. Of course, helping a relative out financially is sometimes what family is for, not least if they are desperately in need of the assistance. However, many of those who demand it are not the most trustworthy and pure-hearted of people.

    Having a family member who is a mooch can be a real drag. It can feel like the only reason they ever want to hang out is money, and they usually get upset when somebody refuses to give it to them. Obviously, this can put a massive strain on family relations, and the worst thing is that it isn't always the person asking for cash who shoulders the worst of the blame. These types reveal a lot about family dynamics.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to lend my brother money after what he did to me years ago?

    I'm a 20-year old woman, and my brother is a 24 year old man. To give you some context: when I was 16, my parents went through a pretty tough financial situation.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • My brother was already working part-time at the time, but he was always very selfish with his money.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • He would literally buy unnecessary things while we sometimes lacked basic necessities at home. At the time, I had saved up about $800 (from birthdays, odd jobs, etc.).
    via NeatButterscotch4372

  • When an older brother requested that his sister lend him over $1k, she simply could not take her mind off how he had handled her money in the past. When her parents had asked her to lend them $800 when she was only 16, he decided to ‘manage’ the money and spend a significant portion of it on himself.

    Now that he needed to pay a debt, he expected his more responsible sibling to give him the cash for it. She didn't want to do that, with her brother and parents turning against her for the decision. She wanted reassurance that she was not in the wrong.

  • My parents asked me for help once, and I agreed without hesitation. But what happened next was that my brother convinced my parents that he would "manage" the money better, and he ended up spending a large portion of it on things for himself.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • He never fully admitted it, but it was obvious. I felt totally betrayed, and since then I've stopped trusting him with money.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • A bearded man stands on a bridge outside with his arms crossed
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    A bearded man stands on a bridge outside with his arms crossed

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • As fow now: I'm 20, I'm in school and working part-time, and I've managed to save up quite a bit.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • I'm not rich or anything, but I'm responsible. A few days ago, my brother called me in a panic because he needs money (about $1,200) to cover a debt.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • He told me he'd pay me back in a few months. I asked him straight out if it was due to poor money management or unnecessary expenses, and he dodged the question.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • I told him I didn't feel comfortable lending him money because of what happened before. He got really angry.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • He told me I'm resentful, that "that was years ago," and that now I'm a bad sister for not helping him when he needs it.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • My parents got involved too and say I should help him because "we're family" and that he's changed (though honestly, I haven't seen much evidence of that).
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • I feel guilty, but at the same time, I don't want to go through the same thing again or feel like I'm being taken advantage of.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • So... am I the bad guy for refusing? Edit: To clarify, it's not that I don't want to help in general, but I'd like at least some assurance or transparency, and he refuses to provide that.
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • A young woman sitting by a window looks down
    via laura adai (Unsplash+)

    A young woman sitting by a window looks down

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • KallamaHarris I mean current actions matter. He still can't save for sh. I'd bet that a 24 yo man had a much higher earning potential than a 20 yo woman. (I saw potential, coz maybe he isn't just irresponsible with money, but also frequently unemployed)
    via KallamaHarris
  • NeatButterscotch4372 Original Poster's Reply Well, that's how I see it, he's four years older than me and has proven he's not mature enough to handle his own life, so I don't think I can afford to lose the money
    via NeatButterscotch4372
  • FunKaleidoscope6194 Past actions matter and if he broke your trust back then you're not wrong for protecting yourself now
    via FunKaleidoscope6194
  • Particular-Reserve99 Point him to your parents, seems they volunteered to help him.
    via Particular-Reserve99
  • Alert-Artichoke-2743 I don't see the problem. Your parents can loan him the $1,200, right?
    via Alert-Artichoke-2743
  • MinkyMoth NTA he has proven that you can't trust him with money. Don't give into him whining.
    via MinkyMoth
  • azrael109 NTA I would 100% not trust him. You will never see that money again if you give it to him
    via azrael109
  • No_Wedding_209 This is exactly why boundaries exist. Lending money is not a moral obligation, it's a risk. You've seen what happens when he's in control, and nothing about now gives you reason to trust him. Your parents' argument of "family means help" only works if trust and accountability are there. It's reasonable to say no.
    via No_Wedding_209
  • geof2010 He has no reason to be aware of your savings or have insight into your financial situation. You're a student with a part time job. You don't have the funds to help him out. That savings you have is your buffer. What happens if you lose that job and can't find something else for a while? Your class workload picks up and have to cut back on your schedule? Don't sacrifice your buffer for someone who has proven bad with finances in the past. You'll never see that money back. Tell him to tak
    via geof2010
  • bythebrook88 >My parents asked me for help once, and I agreed without hesitation. But what happened next was that my brother convinced my parents that he would "manage" the money better, and he ended up spending a large portion of it on things for himself. Not only can't you trust your brother, you can't trust your parents either! I wonder if they intended to give him your money in the first place? If your parents had bills to pay, why would they give your brother the money at all? If he needs $
    via bythebrook88
  • CareyHickey No you're not the bad one here. What you're doing isn't being resentful, it's remembering a pattern and protecting yourself.
    via CareyHickey

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